Grief has to be the worst of human reactions and
for Tegan’s father Chris, grief began immediately on hearing
the tragic news of her death late at night after falling asleep.
This signalled the start of the tidal wave of emotions and physical
symptoms comprising of sleeplessness, despair, sadness, frustration,
heartache, helplessness, loneliness, apathy, tension, anguish, disbelief,
weeping, emptiness, anger, yearning, headaches, fatigue, nausea
and weight loss.
Constant reminders like driving past places frequented by Tegan,
hearing her favourite song on the radio, seeing other teenagers
enjoying themselves or seeing a story in the newspaper about the
incident instantly triggers a teary emotional moment and the reality
is yet again reinforced that she will not be returning home.
For Chris, Tegan was not only his proud daughter but also his best
mate who shared a loving and communicating relationship. They ‘hung
out’ a lot together and got on so well. He recalls spending
many enjoyable hours per week on the sporting sideline not only
watching her train and compete but with the added bonus of being
able to meet a lot of other great kids, parents and sport coaches.
They even competed together in the same Indoor Soccer team that
won a local competition such was their bond. He also recalls each
weekend taking her to and from work and to friend’s houses
and sharing many happy moments together but now all of this sadly
has been taken away.
“Shortly after we received the news as to what happened,
it’s strange but I looked out of the window and I could see
people driving around and getting on with their lives. To me, this
was so unfair and I just felt like shouting from the rooftops ‘Tegan
has died and doesn’t anyone care?’ It’s a sense
of isolation and helplessness you feel knowing that your world has
been turned upside down and your life torn apart and there is absolutely
nothing you can do”.
“The mind becomes active 24 hours a day as if in an unescapable
loop trying to make sense of what has happened and what the future
without Tegan will hold. I feel a kind of gut wrenching pain knowing
that I wont be able to see Tegan’s potential unfold and her
dreams fulfilled. I even feel guilt that I wasn’t there in
Wagga to protect her from what occurred. When Tegan died, I feel
like a big part of me died as well.
As Tegan was known and loved by a lot of people, just remember that
it is ok to cry and to show your emotions and it is ok to be angry,
sad, lonely and frustrated, even all at the same time. You may feel
it is difficult to concentrate (like with school work) or to do
some of the things you previously enjoyed.
These are all perfectly normal reactions no matter your age. It
is also normal to move in an out of these emotions at different
times. Everyone grieves differently, there are no rules, there is
no set pattern and there is no set timeframe for when the grieving
process will end.
Suggestions for coping:
If you are artistic, try expressing how you feel by drawing or painting.
If you are musical, try writing some lyrics or composing a song.
If you are into sport, arrange a game, go to the gym, go for a run,
go for a swim or ride a bike.
If you enjoy poetry, you could try expressing how you feel by writing
a poem.
You could also try writing down your thoughts in a diary or even
add a public or private comment to Tegan’s Guestbook.
You may find talking can help so try and find someone who is willing
to listen without being judgemental and who you can trust. This
may be a family member, friend, counsellor, doctor or someone who
may have experienced a similar situation.
Grief Update 18/04/09
It has been over 10 months since Teegs tragically
died and for quite a few of us the pain is still raw and memories
of the day are still fresh in our minds. This I believe is still
a normal response and is all part of the grieving and readjustment
process. Everyone is an individual and so is grieving. The type
and length of grief each one of us has experienced or is still experiencing
depends on our own personality, our life experiences and how close
we were to Teegs. The fact that Teegs was only 16 and did not die
of a natural cause only prolongs the grieving period.
Emotions and memories still resurface easily particularly
when other tragic events occur like the Victorian bushfires where
173 people lost their lives and more recently the death in Richardson
of former Mackillop student Megan Minney and her friend Steven Rial.
We know only too well the trauma they are now going through, we
all share their pain and our hearts go out to their families and
friends during this difficult and sad time.
Concentration, motivation and making decisions
whether at school, work, the supermarket or even what to wear or
have for breakfast may no longer be easy and at times can seem irrelevant.
This is all part of grieving and I'm sure a lot of us have or still
can relate to this. Similarly sleep quality and duration can decrease
which in turn can make you fatigued and at times moody.
Grieving to me is like an emotional yo-yo where
some days you feel relatively good and other days for no apparent
reason you feel down and sad. With time your emotional yo-yo should
progressively have more ups than downs but this can be a very slow
process and may not even be noticable by you.
If anyone is interested, on the Links page I have
added links to a couple of Australian sites I was recently sent.
The information on these sites covers grief, post traumatic stress
disorder (PTSD) and dealing with a tragedy and may help anyone who
is experiencing grief.
28/09/09
Last month saw the untimely passing of two NSW teenagers:
Our hearts go out to the family and friends of Hannah Taylor who
like Teegs was 16, in Year 11 at a Catholic School, was talented,
popular and passed away tragically on a weekend in another town
while on an trip that she had been looking forward to.
For those who may recall Hannah, she came from Orange and was on
a weekend skiing excursion with James Sheahan Catholic High School
when she passed away after hitting a tree in Thredbo.
A few weeks later another sporty Year 11 16-year-old, Amelia McGuiness
died in similar circumstances to Hannah and our thoughts and prayers
are extended to her family as they too try and cope with the overwhelming
pain of losing unexpectedly their loved daughter.
When hearing tragic incidents like these, it triggers a sense of
deep sadness and is yet again a painful reminder of what we the
family and friends of Teegs have endured. We can only feel for those
who now find themselves in a similar situation and hope that they
take a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that we are thinking of them.
10/04/11
It is with much sadness that I read last week of a tragic accident that
occurred in Goondiwindi, Queensland when two beautiful 16 year olds,
Paris Wilson and her Baltimore exchange student Cameron O’Neill-Mullin
lost their lives in a boating incident at the local water park.
Both Paris and Cameron like Teegs enjoyed life and loved sport.
Both girls attended St Hilda's School on the Gold Coast.
Each year Teegs would travel through Goondiwindi on her way to Brisbane
for her family holiday so hearing of this tragic news is yet another ongoing
and painful reminder of our own loss.
My heart goes out to the families and friends of these teenagers as they
too struggle to come to terms with this terrible tragedy.
